I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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