Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
