So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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