I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
