Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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