Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
