I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
