Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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