Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
