Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
