Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
