he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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