So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
