dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
