I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
