Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
