o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
