Me too!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
