I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
