She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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