I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love you. Go after that dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize