yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
