Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
