i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
