I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
