My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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