You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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