I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
