Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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