the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
