On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
