I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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