You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im part way to drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
