Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
