This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
