I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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