I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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