Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My first STD was from a foam party
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
