New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
