Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize