I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
