come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So. Much. Porn.
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