i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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