so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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