whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize