i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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