i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
