peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
