it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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