i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
