Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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