I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
