Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We got so high we made milksteak
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
