I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
