Sponge bath it is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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