Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
