____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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