ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
