She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
