maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
