Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize