I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
