We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
