in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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