good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
